if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
