I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
