WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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