he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
