what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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