I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
