i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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