I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
