Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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