Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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