btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
