So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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