I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I would fuck him just for his dog
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
