How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
