Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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