they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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