Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
