i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
