dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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