can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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