thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
