My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
