I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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