Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
