Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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