yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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