bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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