dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
