DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
