I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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