Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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