My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
