how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
