Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
