im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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