He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
