im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
