You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
