Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
