sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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