He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
