you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
