He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
