my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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