Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
