Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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