somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sarcasm needs its own font
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
