Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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