One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
