everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize