Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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