I will die if light touches me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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