Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
